Ramblings....

I don't really know what to write about right now... just gonna see what happens...

My b-day is in 3 weeks... 20 years old... I lived almost 2 decades... that's more than others... but did I really live? Or is my life only now starting?

I finished my first year of University and starting driving school, and yet I feel like there is something calling to me, but I don't know what... do you know what it is? What makes you live? What makes others wanting to give up life? ... When I'm thinking about giving up life, and come on everyone thought about this at least once, I see it as cowardice (did I write it well?) to give up life... what about you? How do you get through the days? ... sometimes I feel that there is something for me to do and giving up isn't it... and so I decide to live... and also dying for the selfish reason that I can't stand life anymore isn't my way of leaving this lifetime... IF I would die early I would like to be for something important or someone... 

There was that homework once, where we had to answer questions about ourselves... what colors we like, our favorite book, favorite author, who do we admire, etc.... and there was also the question: 'How would you prefer to die?"... my answer was: in a noble sacrifice... who wouldn't prefer leaving earlier this way? ...but did the teacher get it? Or my colleagues... no... in that moment I realized that I see things differently... I see myself giving up things for others, and sometimes being egoistic too, but I always want the greater good... what will benefit all people involved...

Okay... this post got a bit deep. I normally don't think about these things too much, because I get sad and realize how alone I feel... most people around me aren't like me... I am selfish too, but the other part of me, the giving one, is the dominant one... 

I think I want to talk about more happier stuff right now... so, let’s get back to what I began this post... my 20th birthday!... as in all previous years, I'm gonna invite some girl friends and  just have fun, that entails: eating, pics, food again, drinks too and... Music! I was thinking about maybe "forcing" my "guests" to group karaoke... as in we take turn choosing a song and we all sing to it... all happening in the safety of my dear home... well, I hope we get to do this, cause I think it would be lots of fun ^^

Yeah... I think that's for now... I'm gonna see if I have any inspiration to write a bit more of that book of mines (Click here if you wanna read so far ^^ )

Okay, that's it.

Blessed Be )O(

Kya.

Ps: check out my friends blog: http://crazyyzarc.wordpress.com/ (it's in Romanian and English)